Things to Love

Number One (these are in no particular order): Sharks. 
They are so cute with those funny little noses and black button eyes. They are also sleek, graceful, and way cooler than dolphins.

Number Two: Marilyn Monroe

What a goddess! Classy, beautiful, and unafraid. She played dumb blondes in movies, but she was not one herself. She was an independent woman who was not scared to take on the world.

Number Three: Sea Captains and Sailors

They are automatic bad asses. Enough said.

Number Four: Abandoned Houses

They make the best hide outs and secret places. Their walls are perfect for practicing graffiti and the rotting floorboards are great for hiding treasures and whatnot. 

Number Five: Disney Princesses

There is no one we look up to more than these fancy ladies. Admit it, you've always wanted to be one of them.

Number Six: Random Things
The spice of life!

Number Seven: Punk Rock
 What's better to rock out to and scream at the top of your lungs when you're home alone. Also great when one is angry. 

Number Eight: Kick Ass Graffiti
Nobody likes silly little tags sloppily slapped on the side of a building. But when you happen upon a masterpiece of spray paint, you can't help but stand and stare in awe.

Number Nine: Hilarious Comics About Everyday Situations

Number Ten: Great Hair
I wish my hair had so much awesome sauce on it.

Number Eleven: Lumpy Space Princess
She is the coolest princess in the Land of Ooo. (From the cartoon "Adventure Time") Honestly, she is a hilarious version of our thirteen year old selves.

Number Twelve: Dresses
They are so comfortable and nice to look at. You just feel better when you wear them.

Getting Over Caleb

No, Caleb is not and was not my boyfriend. He was a boy who kissed me for the first time, in a poorly lit stairwell, in the middle of the night. 


I didn't even I know I liked him as much as I did until he told me that he didn't like me and apparently he had been "leading me on." But I wasn't the one who was constantly playing with his hair. I didn't grab his hand when we were watching Whip It on the couch. I didn't stop and kiss him on the stairs. He was the one making all the moves, I just stood there and tried to catch up. I wasn't even sure if I liked him that much.


Then I woke up that gray morning after he told me. The first thing I thought of was him rejecting me. It weighed down on my heart like an iron anvil. I hadn't even realized I actually did like this kid. I suppose I should have noticed I did when I let me kiss me and hold my hand. 


It was too late now, the whole day I was a zombie in my bleak drudgery. I couldn't stop wondering what it was about me he didn't like. I knew there were quite a few parts of him that I didn't like, but at that point I didn't really care. 

He had soul-slicing blue eyes.

It has taken me a month or more to really get over him. Especially since he is my best friend's girlfriend's best friend. Sounds ridiculous, but basically he was inducted into our friend group. I couldn't avoid him and even worse, I didn't want to avoid him. I couldn't help but climb into his car behind my friends for some midnight pizza. I could've just waited for them to bring it back, but I couldn't resist the temptation. I thought I could somehow win him back, even though he was flirting with other girls. 

One night a group of us kids were going out for the night. It was the most awful group of hours I'd ever experienced. Caleb had a new girl with him, he barely even spoke to me. I was with my room mate and her girlfriend. It was raining like God and the angels were crying with me. It rained so hard and it was so windy an umbrella wasn't any use. My makeup was running in black rivers down my face and all our clothes were soaked. Not so cute. 

We were waiting for the bus but the girl Caleb was with was afraid of buses. (How can you be afraid of buses??) So she and he decided to walk there. My imagination wouldn't leave me alone all night about what they could possibly be doing. Probably cute things. -_-

I was a drag to everyone else. My buddy's girlfriend was sweet enough to let me wear her hat because my hair was dripping. They bought me a gross smoothie,  kissed me on the cheek, and we when back to the dorms. I hadn't seen Caleb since the beginning of the night. 

I hate being this girl.

It also did not help that he would run and start tickling me or share his fries with me. It just wasn't fair. 

Eventually, I had to man up and get a hold on myself. I stopped coming along on little adventures with him and my other friends. I stayed in the dorm, a little resentful towards myself, and did my homework. I stopped asking if he was coming on trips to the ice cream shoppe or to the pizza place. It hurt, but I was finally getting it. He was the first boy that I had to get over. I had been the one who broke up with my boyfriends. I had no idea what other people had to go through. It fucking sucks!

BLOODY CUPCAAAAAKE!!!


They had a surplus of cupcakes in the cafeteria a couple days ago. I went into a small, slightly animalistic frenzy. One of of the cafeteria guys made fun of me. 
-_- 


I don't even like vanilla that much. 


But here are some Awesome Tasting Cupcakes:
-red velvet with cream cheese icing
-chocolate with (green) mint icing
-classic chocolate with white icing
-carrot cake with cream cheese icing
-vanilla bean, filled with custard with chocolate ganache icing
-strawberry with white chocolate cream cheese icing
-lemon with white chocolate cream cheese icing

Damn Regret

Regret. A terrible, gnawing emotion lodged deep in your heart. It tends to block up your other daily functions and render you useless, you become a sort of zombie moaning about the same things that you will never be able to change. YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO CHANGE! It's not going to change and you can't fix it so FORGET ABOUT IT! Moaning and complaining will not help you. I should know, I am the queen of regret. 


Being very shy in high school, I have had my fair share of regret. I can't tell you how many times I just wanted to rewind the clock and start the whole day over. So many opportunities slipped through my fingers... 


Why am I babbling on about lost chances? I am experiencing the regret. I like a boy. He's not that cute or whatever, but he may be one of THE most interesting people I've ever met. Whenever I talk to him, I feel like he is speaking my language. 


But we haven't talked lately. I lack the bravery to go up to him and say hi. Just thinking about it makes me squirm a little bit. I just don't want to mess it up, yet I clearly am with this "avoidance." 


Regretfulness sucks and I'd like to stay away from it. When I don't, I end up glum, in my room replaying the same Cage the Elephant song. It is my regret song. I'd like to listen to my triumph song. (It's probably "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, it's so damn catchy! and seriously awesome) 


One day, soon, I'll snag a corner of happiness for myself and beat down those little regret birds.


Just have to be brave...